Light found in a Video
by LudFelic
Summary: lost in a sea of sadness, Germany looks to find some relief of his lost friend i videos he had made just for him. this only creates problems but soon all of the problems are fixed when Japan comes to help Germany out. Germany then soon realizes his horrid mistake and fixes it.


Light Found In A Video

The year is 2003, very cold November, but still no snow. Italy has been sick for more than three weeks now. I can't do anything to help him. I took him to the doctors and they suggested that they take an x-ray. Since he's been coughing so much, I guess they want to see was going on in his lungs. So today I'll be taking him to the doctor. He's nervous as hell. I could tell he doesn't want to go there. He doesn't like being at the doctors. I can say anything. I want to try to comfort him, nothing will work, but the only thing I can do is try my best to see what is wrong with him so is not sick anymore. I want to find out what's wrong with him so he can stop being so sick, stop coughing so he can have fun again. He just feels sick all the time and is just at home all day long in a cold dark room because he won't go out. But today he's going out. I picked him out of my room. I carried him through the hallway, opened the front door and then opened up the car doors. And then put him in the back seat and let him lay down and shut the door. I stepped in the car and put my keys in the admission and turned it on. I backed out of the driveway and then I started my way to the hospital. Today's the day I'll finally figure out why he has his horrible cough, what is wrong with him. I drove through and out of the subdivision. Out to the main road I go. He's nervous. I can tell. I don't even need to look at him. I'd be nervous too. I drove down the road and then I pulled up into the hospital parking lot. It's only 2 miles. I then parked the car and turned the car off. I took the keys out, opened the door and then opened the door where Italy was laying. And then carried him out like a child. He's just that sick. Coughing, wheezing that's all I could hear. He hasn't said a word. He must be mad at me, but we need to find out what is wrong with him, so that we'll now. But do I really want to know? That's been going through my mind all day today. Do I really want to know? I guess the answer would be I don't know. I walked up to the siding front doors of the emergency room where there is the check-in counter. I signed in Italy and sat down in the waiting room ready for the doctor to call our names. Only the five minutes went by when it's his name was called and were called back. So I sat up with me still carrying him and we followed the doctor into the x-ray room. It felt so cold. I guess this morning was a little chilly. But I wasn't cold outside, I felt cold in here. More coughing, more wheezing, that's all I can still hear. Every now and then we'd pass a few doctors talking. a few nurses that we passed by, calling me cute and hot. I don't get it. I guess it's kind of normal for a big buff like me but it still pretty weird. Then there's Italy, he so pale white, shaky. It looks like he's just ready to die and I don't like it. It's painful to watch it. Even more coughs, more wheezing and they finally get to the x-ray room, where the doctor's already waiting. That's always kind of nice not having to wait for the doctor. As we walked in the door the doctor stood up from the chair he was sitting in over in the back of the room. The big machine hung off the ceiling and hovered over a hospital bed. It seemed warmer in here, so weird. I laid Italy down on the hospital bed and the doctor came up to him.

"So it said you've been sick for a while now?"

Italy stuttered to get his words out it was so hard for him to talk, his throat hurt so bad.

"Y-yes."

And the doctor replied as if he discovered something completely new. He toke off his glasses and continued smiling, being as nice as possible.

"All that coughing is made your throat so sore you can't even talk anymore, how sad."

I was becoming very irritated. I just wanted this to get over with.

"And are you going to start anytime soon? I'd like to get this done with."

The doctor then looked at me almost kind of annoyed. He then put his glasses back on.

"I was just asking a few questions before I get started. But yes I will begin now."

Italy was already lying down on the bed, he's just so tired. Even with all the sleep in the world he'd still be tired. The doctor lifted up Italy's shirt and he placed a blanket over his legs. He placed the big machine over to his lungs. Then told him to take a really big breath and hold it until they said he could breathe again. I bet that was hard. It might've been just for a few seconds, it was hard enough for him to get any air in. The doctor moved over to the control panel and he told Italy take a big breath and hold it. So he did and they quickly took the x-ray and then the second the doctor said he can hold un hold his breath, he let out gasping for air.

"So it's hard to breathe and taken breaths. Interesting. I'll take this into account when I'm trying to figure out what is exactly wrong with you."

He took out the sheets from the machine where it had the x-ray paper inside of it.

"I'll be back after I developed the x-ray film and then figure out what's wrong with you F-e-l-i-c-i –ano?"

Italy coughed some more. The doctor didn't know exactly how to pronounce his real name.

"y-yes that's right. you got it right."

"oh good I was scared that I ruined your name."

Italy cough some more.

"i-it's alright."

"Then I'll be back soon and I will get to the bottom of this."

I replied this time.

"thanks."

He opened the door, left the room and then shut the door behind him. Italy then looked at me as if he had hope in his eyes that it wouldn't be something serious.

"So…."

he started to violently cough again.

"Italy are you alright?!"

I stood up for my chair and I put my hands on his shoulders

"yeah I'm fine."

"All right then."

I sat back down and just as I did, the doctor came back in with a folder, a big, orange folder normally seen with letters or mail. He pulled what looked like Italy's x-ray and put it on a lit up board on the wall behind Italy. He put the black piece of plastic almost up to the board and I was right, Italy's x-ray. It stuck up on the board and the doctor looked at it harshly. His eyes widened extremely. I looked at him to see his startled impression almost. My hands placed themselves on the sides of the chair and then they gripped tightly against it.

"what is it? What's wrong?"

"ummm…."

The doctor tuned to me and still looked terrified. He toke off his glasses once more and was almost pale white.

"what is it?!"  
>"just looking at this x-ray, I'll have to tell you that your friend has….. Stage 4 Lung Cancer…"<p>

I looked at Italy as my entire being slowly died. The look on his face when I looked at him. Tears formed in his eyes. I-I just had to make sure I had heard him right.

"what?"

"I know you heard me correctly."

My grip loosened on the chair but then my hands covered my eyes and I fell forward in the chair to the point of crying.

"I'm sorry I had to bare this news to you both but,.. there is no available treatment for this stage of cancer."

More coughs and harsh breathing made me feel even worse and that's when I started to cry. Painfully cry. And then I could hear the beginning part of my human name being called.

"L-L-Lu-Ludwig…"

I then looked back at Italy with tears in my eyes

"yes?"

"It's okay Ludwig."

He gave a slight smile, trying to make me feel better.

"at- at least we know what's wrong with me now. "

"ya we know that now."

I guess that question I asked myself all day was answered, do you really want to know? In fact, I truly didn't want to know. Well now I know and I wish I didn't. the doctor put his hand on my shoulder and bent down so he could quietly talk to me.

"Make each day count until you've made it to his last. In his state now, I bet he only has days left."

I could tell the sympathy in his voice.

"Only a few days?!"

More tears formed in my eyes as my voice began to crack.

"Just make each day count, for his happiness."

"I guess I will."

He then patted my shoulder and left the room. I fell back into my hands and continued the cry. I could hear the crackling of the paper that was placed on the hospital bed and I then looked over to see Italy sitting up ready to leave.

"I never wanted to come here anyway, lets' go."

He reached his hand out to me and I grabbed it and sat up. I wiped the tears I had on my face with my sleeve of my jacket. We then walked out of the hospital and into the parking lot over to the car. I unlocked the car and Italy stepped into the passenger seat as I sat in the drivers' seat. I started the car up, shut the doors, buckled up and left the parking lot, going home. On the way there I couldn't help but think, "make each day count, and count till the last day." I then quietly said to myself, "I'll make each of his days count. I promise."

"Germany?"

I quickly looked over at Italy.

"ya?"

"you know what I want to do?"

"what is that? I'll do anything."

"I want to take a siesta with you."

I thought about it in my head just a little bit and gave a slight nod yes

"that sounds great."

I looked at the clock in the car to notice it was only about lunch time.

"hey, how about we go get lunch, then we can go home and take a siesta?"

"okay. That sounds great."

He smiled. Keep him smiling. The only thing that was going through my head, keep him smiling no matter what. Do all that he asks, give him all that he asks of, and whatever you do, keep him smiling.

So I decided we'd go to one of his favorite restaurants over near our house, but before I headed to where I thought he'd want to go I asked,

"Italy, where would you like to go?"

He looked and pointed to the new restaurant that just had opened only a few weeks earlier.

"what about the new place? We haven't been there yet. Why not try it out?"

"whatever you want."

So I pulled up the restaurant parking lot and found a spot. I turned off the car and we stepped out. And then I read the sign, "Wong's real Chines Food." Chines food, well…..

I must of had a disgusted face put on because Italy started tugging me and saying,

"Oh come on, it'll taste really good."

He gave a cough. I went in front of him and opened the door, letting him in front of me.

"Thank you Germany."

"ya."

I then walked in and we were greeted by many voices and the waitress ready at the front to get us seated. She simply said,

"Follow me please."

She sat us down at a table and asked what we'd want to drink. I say water but Italy went straight to the Miller's Light. Beer seriously. What am I saying?! I then quickly changed my mind to a beer as well.

"I'll right back out with your drinks."

She then set the menus down at the table and Italy and me began to look through them. We went through all the choices and the waitress soon came back with our drinks and asked if we were ready. Yes we were. We ordered and she left to take care of it. The place was packed. Everyone looked as happy as can be, even Italy. He sipped on is beer getting the foam all over his lips.

"Germany I've got a mustache."

I laughed a little and we soon started to talk. Our food came and we got refills on our drinks and we continued to talk the entire meal till it was gone. We paid and left happily. Surprisingly I liked it, so did Italy. So we then drove home and it was almost three. We made it home and Italy immediately started taking off his shoes and socks the second he stepped in the house.

"hurry Germany so we can take our siesta."

"alight alright."

I toke off my shoes, grabbed them and grabbed Italy's too. I put them by the door. He toke off his jacket and threw it on the floor. I picked that up too, and his tie and his belt and his pants. Come on, why can't he wait till he gets in my room? He made it into my room. The second he went in my room, I heard very loud and violent coughing, then a thud on the ground. I dropped all his things to the floor and ran into my room to see Italy on the floor with splats of blood along with him.

"Italy!?"

I quickly went down on my knees and lifted him on my knees. Italy slightly opened his eyes and his hand touched my cheek. I grabbed his hand gently. H-he's still smiling. How can…..

"i-it's okay G-Germany."

He gave more horrifying coughs and coughed up more blood on to his black shirt and mine. I started to cry.

"Italy?"

"today was a good day Germany, even though it started out horrible."

My tears started to fall to his face and on the ground.

"hey Germany don't be so sad."

It hit me. Keep him smiling. Keep a smile on your face, on his face, on mine. I then gave a smile. More horrible coughs and more blood. I decided then to call the ambulance and they came in a matter of minutes. They then quickly put him on the stretcher and wheeled him into the ambulance car and drove off. I stayed on my knees with my hands to the floor and tears falling from my face to my hands and the floor. I realized that I could of been in his room being with him. Being near him but I didn't. I missed out on so many chances to see him and now he might as well be dead.

"I-it's my fault."

I forced these painful words from my mouth.

I closed my eyes tightly as tears continued to pour from them.

"Italy, im … so sorry."

It wasn't till a few hours later I'd decided to go to the hospital. Once I made it to the hospital, I asked one of the nurses at the desk where Feliciano Vargas room was. One of the nurses said,

"oh yes him. He's in room C-42."

"thanks."

I went over to the elevator and pressed the button C and the door closed in front of me. It made it to the C floor and the doors opened up. I walked out in search of room 42. I began to walk looking from left to right. 33, 34, 35, 36, 37… alight then. 38, 39, 40, 41. Then I finally made it to room C-42. I grabbed the handle and slowly opened the door. And there I saw him, lying on the hospital bed with a ventilator helping him breathe. IVs stuck in his arms, wires for the machines reading his breathing and heart rate. I barely walked into the door and could already feel tears running down my face. The door slowly closed behind me and I walked over to his bed. A chair stood over by the wall and so I grabbed it and moved it to his bed and sat down. One look and I instantly put my elbows on my knees and my hands on my face and began to cry. I felt a slight brush through my hair and something on my head. I looked up to see Italy awake and brushing his shaking hand through my hair. He gave a slight shake of his no. I shouldn't be crying? I let him grab my wrist and he put a piece of folded paper in my hand. I looked at the front of what it said, "open this when im gone okay?'

"I will. Don't worry."

He closed his eyes and tried to give a smile. He still smiles. I gave a smile back. I forced everything I had to get that smile out of me. I looked down at the ground. I could still feel tears rolling off my face. When I looked back up all I heard was the sound of the heart monitor flat lining.

"Italy…..?"

I called Japan to come pick me up after that. I knew for a fact that if I drove home I'd crash the car. I told him what had happened on the car ride back to my house. I could see a few tears coming from his eyes.

"t-that's just sad isn't it?"

"ya it is."

I could hear my voice cracking as I said that. We made it to my house and I opened the door to Japans car.

"hey thanks for taking me home."

"yeah, no problem."

I shut the door behind me and walked up the path way to my house. I toke my keys from my pocket and unlocked my door and slowly opened it up. I shut the door behind me and turned on the lights, walking through the kitchen and not yet getting to the hallway where our rooms were. I went into the living room and slumped down into the couch. I put that folded piece of paper in my pocket and soon enough I fell asleep on the couch crying. I was awakened at 6 in the morning the next day by Prussia.

"hey broseph, everyone's getting ready for Italy's funeral. I hope you'll make it, everyone's going."

"Yay a i-I'm coming."

My eyes closed tightly as more tears came from them. Even Prussia sounded sad about this.

"Alright. I'll see you there then, bye."

He hung up as I just sat there, laying on the couch as tears rolled down the sides of my face and rolled down the back of my neck. The phone rang again, and the same person was calling Prussia.

"And it's at Spain's church over by his house at 7 am."

"thanks."

My voice cracked again.

I hung up this time and realized the time. I sat up from the couch and headed to the bath room to take a shower and get ready. I turned on the shower and headed to the closet and picked out my black suit. I grabbed the hanger holding my jacket and shirt then the hanger with my pants. I hung them on the hook over the closet door and undressed, getting in the shower. I couldn't help but think of all the things that would happen when I'd take a shower

(_flashbacks to the day when Italy and Germany were getting ready to go to bed.)_

"Hey Germany, can I get in the shower with you!?"

He slightly opened the shower door and stuck his head through the gap.

"Can i?!"

(_back in real time)_

I always said no but he'd of joined me anyway. I quickly finished my shower and wrapped my towel around me hanging from the wall. I stepped out and toke another towel from the cabinet under the sink and rubbed my hair dry, almost. Once my body was dry I put my suit on. I buttoned my shirt up and slipped my pants and my belt through the belt loops, tightening it where I always do. I found my tie and put it around my collar, tying it as I grabbed my coat, and walked out of the bathroom with my socks and shoes in my hand with my jacket. I sat down on the edge of my bed and finished tying my tie and then put my socks and shoes on. I tied them and then put my jacket on grabbing my watch that I kept on the night stand next to my side of the bed. I ran my hand though my hair, slicking it back and checking the time. 6:26. Perfect. I went into the bathroom and found my pants that had Italy's note in them. I toke it out and put it in my front jacket pocket.

"Damn my car's still at the hospital. Best to go get it."

I went out of my room and into the kitchen and grabbed my keys. I put them in my pocket and opened the door. I shut it behind me and deiced to do my daily jog to the hospital. I jogged down the path way to my house and toke a left. Traffic light after traffic light, I got them all green. Soon enough I made it to the hospital with no problem. I went to the parking lot and found my car. I toke my keys from my pocket and unlocked the car, opening the door and getting in. I started it up and pulled out heading to Spain's church. I looked the clock, 6:42.

"perfect."

I pulled out from the parking lot and booked it to the church. Right, left, left, right, stop for the light, straight and it should be on the left. There it is. This big church. Tons of windows, a big steeple at the top of the building, made of stone bricks, and 3 stories tall. I pulled up into the parking lot and parked my car. I was able to get a reasonable spot up front. There's a lot of cars here. I turned off my car and stepped from it putting my keys in my back pocket. I began to walk and look at the cars as I passed them. There's Romano's car. I made it to the door and looked at my watch one last time, 6:58. I opened one of the double doors there and everyone looked behind them to look at me walking in. literally almost everyone was there. I didn't see a single person who wasn't there. Even the micro nations came. I could feel my eyes beginning to fill with tears. I told myself, don't cry in front of France and Britain, but as I pasted them I could see they were already both crying, especially France. I walked pasted pew after pew of people and then I finally found my spot up in the front with Romano and Japan. I sat in between them. Romano gave me a nudge and whispered into my ear,

"Hey potato bastard, thanks for everything you did for my brother. For a potato bastard you're alright."

He was crying as well trying to keep his cool as he said that. I whispered back to him.

"he was smiling when he left."

His face changed once I said this. It went red and more tears fell from his face and he smiled.

"T-that's always what he wanted. To keep smiling no matter what. So he did it. He kept his promise to himself, always smile."

"he made it a promise to himself?"

"he did."

" He kept his promise then."

The services then started up and the person who would start then off was Grandpa Rome himself. HE came?! Crying like a little child he started us off as he stood in front of Italy's casket.

"t-t-thank you, a-all f-for being h-here t-today…"

My hand went to my face. He can't even talk, he's crying too much. I stood up quickly and put my hands on Rome's shoulders.

"ummmm. Yes thank you Rome for that great introduction. I'll take it from here."

"a-alright."

He gave some more sniffles, sat back down and put his hands to his face continuing to cry. Everyone was staring at me, it's silent too. Crap, I don't know what to do. I just came up here to stop Rome from making a bigger fool of himself. I tried to figure out the words as I said them but, I still had no clue what to say.

"yes, umm thank you for all being here. I know this is a very sad occasion but, it doesn't need to be…"

Then it all clicked to me. I knew what to say.

"it shouldn't be a horrible day. You know what he did? He died smiling like a champion. He was happy. I saw it with my own eyes. He was happy. He made a promise to himself to always keep a smile on his face no matter how much pain he was in. I was surprised that he was able to always keep this promise because of everything that had happened to him when he was alive. Please keep this promise in his honor, keep smiling. Make the others around you happy with a smile even if the day wasn't the best or you're hurting…."

I continued with my speech and I didn't even know how I did it for 20 minutes. Once I sat back down it was over. Japan gave me a pat on the back.

"that was a good speech Germany."

"to be honest, all the feelings that were going through me just came out in words. It only felt like 5 minutes to me."

"hey at least you cared enough to help his grandpa from making a fool of himself."

Everyone started to leave while I stayed in the chapel. I sat up and looked into Italy's casket. And still, he had a simple smile.

"smile on Italy. I'll keep it in my memory till I die."

Then I headed to the cemetery where he was then buried and it was finally over. I went home and began to cry on the couch. I kept it dark in my house. The blinds were closed and I refused to turn on any of the lights. I rolled over to my side and heard a slight crack and crunch from my pocket. I put my hand in my pocket to feel a piece of folded paper. The vary words on the front, "open this when I'm gone okay?"

"Aren't you gone? Can't I open this now to see what you wrote to me with your dying strength?"

I questioned myself only because I couldn't believe that now I can open it. I unfolded the paper only to see a bullet list and a title with a small paragraph to start it off.

"_dear Germany, since you are reading this, I must have left you. I promise I'll make up for it. I made something for you Germany. If you go into my room you'll find my present on my laptop. Just follow my bullets and you should forgive me for leaving you. Ciao.."_

h-he's apologizing for leaving me? I just began to cry right there, just in the first paragraph. He thinks I'm blaming him…..

I read on as my vision was becoming blurry with my tears. A simple bulleted list.

"_1. You'll need to log on to my computer so here's the password, LudFelic._

_2. once you've login you need to go to videos._

_3. find the folder, Thanks_

_4. all the folders in there are yours to click and watch. Do Apolo first okay?"_

And at the bottom of his letter "_You're my bestest friend Germany."_

And so I did just as his last words said. I went into his room and logged on to his computer. I pulled up his videos and just as said, clicked on _Thanks. _And then all these videos popped up, all labeled different. I clicked Apolo first of course and a video began to play. It was Italy

"hi Germany! Sorry for leaving you. I really am. I'm sorry. I knew that you'd be sad if I told you. To be honest with you now, I had already gone to the doctors. They said the same thing. I knew it was over but I couldn't tell you. I'm sorry. But please, I've made all these videos just for you. They're all just for you. Don't watch them all in one day or then you can't be surprised in the next video. See ya later Germany!"

The video was over. I could feel tears falling and landing on my hands that I had on my knees. My head went down and my eyes closed. I forced his name from my mouth.

"Italy… I'm sorry for not being there."

My voiced cracked and went higher than it ever had. I was so tired. I fell asleep right there, without fail.

I woke up the next morning only to see Italy's laptop died because I left it on all night. I found the charger and plugged it in and it began to charge. I went into my room and got out of my suit that I somehow slept in. I laid on my bed with just my tang and black shorts. I don't want to do anything today. I looked at my watch, 7:40.

"how is it already that late? I must have been tired to sleep for that long. When did I get home from Italy's services? I came home at almost 5 pm and I sat on the couch for like 20 minutes, and watched that small video. I slept for a long time then."

I heard a knock on the door and didn't bother getting up to answer it. A few minute later though, I decided to see if the idiot who knocked on my door was still there. Why'd I think that? I have no idea. I put on my pants I left over by my bed and slipped them on. I then left my room and into the living room, pasted the couch and my hand gripped the cold door handle. I opened the door only to be met with bright sun and a cold wind. My eyes adjusted to the brightness and saw no one but then I looked down to see a small box and flowers. I simply picked them up and shut the door behind me. The cold stopped flowing from the open door. I went into the kitchen that was over by the door and set the flowers and box on the counter. Red and yellow and blue flowers. They looked like pansies. I went into the pantry and looked for a vase. Once I found one I filled with water and put the flowers in it.

"there we go. Now this box."

A small wooden box with a bright brown color, had a sticker on the side keeping it closed. It was a picture that had been made into a sticker, a picture with me and japan, in between Italy, who had his arms around the backs of our necks. He had the biggest smile, while Japan and I had small smiles but we still were happy as ever. The last day of WW2, we knew we had lost but we were happy that it ended; we then had this picture taken of us. Covered in bandages and blood, bruises and cuts, we didn't care we were happy, especially Italy. Still smiling.

"He's… he's so happy."

I carefully toke the edge of the sticker and lifted it up from the box. I then went over to the fridge and stuck it straight on to it. I guess now I can see what's in that box. The bigger question that was going through my head was, who sent this to me? I opened it up only to see a folded letter with my name on it and under it, tons of pictures. I toke the letter from the box and un-folded it. The hand writing looks like Italy's. It looks like an Italian wrote it, not being mean or anything. They have good handwriting.

"_Dear Germany,_

_Hey I told Romano to bring this over to you today, I just hope he doesn't forget or anything. I hope he still doesn't hate you. I hope you told him I was still smiling. Anyway, I found a bunch of these pictures from the most fun things that we all did. You, me and Japan. America is even in some of them. Some of them are really old so be careful with them but…. Ya I found them all for you Germany. Oh and I hope that Romano brought you flowers along with it, I told him to. _

_ Love, Italy"_

I gave a little laugh

"Ya he brought flowers along with it."

Well now I know who sent this over. Maybe I should of answered the door. NA. I picked up the pile of pictures looking at each one feeling more tears fill up in my eyes as I looked through each one. I toke my sleeve and wiped away the tears.

"I hope he knew these would have made me cry. I'm not as tough as I used to be. Ever since I met him, he's made me soft."

I went through most of the pictures; I'm not even trying to smile in any of them till I made it to the almost last picture. I'm smiling, in just this one picture, he finally was able to get me to pull off a true, real smile. We're all just so happy. That's all I felt, happiness.

"He always knew how to keep me happy."

And then the last picture.

My right hand covered my mouth as I looked at this picture from my other hand.

"H-he actually found it. I-I haven't seen this picture in years. How?"

I flipped the picture over to see his handwriting.

"After all these years you've kept this. I wish I could of cared for you,in your last days. I wish I knew so

I could of helped. But you didn't tell me you had already known. Yes it would of made me wad but…."

My tears started to fall and hit the counter.

"but…. I wish you still would of told me."

I toke the pile of pictures I had and went into my work office. My apple computers (yes I have 2) and the glass desk that held it up, then there was my cork board with nothing on it, besides a few tacks. I then hung all of the pictures on my cork board. I pinned them all up and just looked at all of them. I put my elbows on the table and just looked at every single picture. I single tear rolled down my face and hit the table.

"We're going to all miss you Italy."

Then his last smile flew itself into my thoughts.

"Ya, we'll miss you….. especially me."

I closed my eyes trying my best not to cy. I must of sat there for almost an hour because when I looked back at the time it was almost 10.

"Well I don't have work today and I don't need to do anything. Geez this day's going to be boring."

I then remembered all the videos I saw on Italy's computer.

"He told me not to watch them all at once but…"

I sat up and went into his room and grabbed his computer, that wasn't completely charged and brought it into my work room. I grabbed my flash drive and plugged it into his computer and downloaded all the videos on to my flash drive. I then closed his computer and unplugged my flash drive. I plugged it into my monitor and the files pulled up on to my screen. All the files, all different things, all labeled different, hours of things to watch, all Italy, this is amazing. I then heard a slight rumble of my belly and realized I was hungry.

"Oh fine, I'll go get something to eat."

I left my work room and headed out to the kitchen. I then remembered that Italy told me a few days before to go do some shopping because apparently we didn't have enough food. I looked in the fridge, barely anything in it. I looked through the pantry, vacant.

"Geez, he wasn't lying. I guess I should go get some groceries."

My hand rubbed the back of my neck as I realized I should of gone grocery shopping when he told me too.

"He made a list right?"

I then remembered that I wouldn't need to get the things that Italy would have wanted because it'd just be pointless.

"I'll just have to make my own list then."

I ran back into my office and grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and just started to write anything that came to my head that I thought I'd need. Item after item, all these different things, then I'd remember that I wouldn't need this because he liked it and I didn't and I kept going through my head on things I didn't like but bought only because Italy would eat them not me. Once I accomplished finishing my list, it was a lot longer than I thought it would have been. 2 ½ pages and my handwriting isn't even big. My hand made it to my forehead.

"This is going to suck."

I unwillingly sat up from my chair and headed into my room and into the bathroom.

"First before I do anything, I'm taking a shower."

I turned on the shower and undressed as it heated up. As I stepped into the shower, I realized that the shopping might take a while.

"Well… I guess it's better than being home all day."

I leaned my elbow against the shower tiles and let the hot water fall on my back.

"This won't suck as bad if Italy were here. He'd make it more entertaining and interesting."

I decided to hurry up with my shower and quickly stepped out on to the fluffy mat. It so soft, I can't help it. I then quickly dried off and put a pair of dark blue jeans on with my black tang-top then my jacket. I rubbed my hair with my towel and walked into my room. I went to the other corner of the room and opened the dresser drawer to get a pair of socks. I sat on the bed and put on my socks looking on the floor for my shoes.

"For some odd reason I can't remember where I put them."

I sat up and found my wallet on my night stand and slipped it into my pocket, along with some change on the dresser.

"Shoes, where are my shoes?"

I looked all over my room and remembered that I had fallen asleep in Italy's room and my shoes just might be in there. I walked out of my room and looked through the door to Italy's. There under his desk chair, laid my dress shoes.

"Not the pair I'm looking for."

I then stepped in his room and picked up my shoes. I went out of his room and back into mine, where I set my shoes down over by the door and looked everywhere around my room for them. I put my hand on the back of my neck.

"Gah, I can't find them, maybe their over by the couch or something."

I went back out of my room and through the hall way where I saw my shoes, on the floor right next to the couch.

"Seriously?!"

I ran over to the couch and sat down grabbing my shoes.

"And all I needed to do was look out here and there they are!"

I was annoyed at this point. I loosened the black lases and slipped my left foot into its shoe and did the same with the right. I tied my laces and sat up making sure they felt right on my feet.

"Finally ready, stupid shoes."

I guess I was kind of mad at myself for leaving them there. I forgot I had put them over there. I went over to the counter and grabbed my car keys.

"Alright then, let's get this done with… Oh the list."

I ran back into my office and grabbed the list real quick. I grabbed a pen and put it behind my ear. I'd need it later. I then heard a grumble of my belly. It stopped me in my tracks over at the entrance of the hallway.

"Ya, something to eat, well I can get something later."

And that's exactly what I did, I'll eat once there was something to eat. I opened the front door and closed it behind me walking down to my car. I toke the key and unlocked the car, opening the door and stepped in. I put the key in the admission and turned it on, looking behind me as I began to back out of my drive way. I made it out to the road and headed to the grocery store. Once I made it I grabbed the pen I put behind my ear and clicked it.

"Alright, lets' get this over with."

I snatched a cart and went into the store, every item, another check mark on the list next to the item. My cart soon was filled to the top with everything I needed. I headed to the checkout counter where I load up the moving belt and I grabbed the gags filled with all my things. I loaded it all back in the cart and found out I'd spend over $300 there. I unwillingly paid the cashier and pushed my cart out to my car. I load the back of my car up and put my cart away. I stepped in my car and slumped down.

"That-sucked."

I put my key in the admission and went home. I backed up into the driveway to make it easier to get the groceries out of the back. I then spent the next 30 minutes taking all the groceries out and away in the pantry and fridge. I then went into my office and slumped down into my chair.

"Finally, I'm done."

I hit my mouse and my computers woke up and showed me all the videos I had left up. I put my elbows to the table and looked through all the different video names, "_Gratzi, Happy Birthday, Happy, Lovely,…"_

All differently named.

"Hmmm, I wonder which one I should watch first."

But as I made it to the bottom of all the videos I noticed one that was named _"…." _

"Did he have time to name it?"

I clicked on the video and it then began to play. Coughing, wheezing, that's all I heard and the beginning, then his cracking voice.

"G-Germany, today you're taking me to the doctor but it's just a waste, I already know I'm just going to die. Coughing myself to death."

He then gave more coughs of horror and then I could hear the slight noises of blood splattering to the ground.

"I-I'm sorry I can't go on."

The video cut off and that got me was sear terror. My eyes were widened and tears were in them. I couldn't believe what I had just seen. That's what he was doing that day before I got him. Coughing up blood? Without thinking about anything I slowly sat u and headed to my room and in to my closet. I found a shoe box and brought it out and set it on my bed. I sat on the edge of it and opened the box to revile my hand gun. I grabbed it from it's box and toke out it's magazine to see how many bullets were left in it. I put it back in the gun and loaded it, putting it to my head and without a single thought, pulled the trigger. I body fell back against the bed as blood pooled from my wound. The gun fell from my hand and landed on the bed next to my body.

It'd be only a few hours till someone noticed I was in my house bleeding. What I didn't know was that I was a coward and I only gave myself a large head wound, no bullet that killed me, it knocked me out though. Japan was the one to knock on my door and come into my house. He walked through the hallway and looked into my room through the door frame. He saw the gun and blood everywhere and came running into my room, immediately checking for a pulse.

"Germany?!"

He finally found my pulse.

"Don't worry; I'll call the ambulance over right away."

He did just that and went searching for what could of drove me to do such a thing. He walked into my office and slightly tapped my mouse turning on my computers. The video I had watched was still up. He pressed play only to watch the same thing that drove me to wanting to kill myself.

"Germany, I see now."

Japan put the mouse over the video and clicked the delete button.

"Don't worry, you'll never have to see that ever again."

The ambulance soon came and put me on the stretcher. They toke me to the hospital, where I ended up getting stitches on the side of my head. I woke up the next morning and knew that really I shouldn't be awake to being with. I put my hands on my head.

"I'm so stupid. Italy has made me soft and now because of it, I was driven to kill myself. How cowardly? I'm so stupid."

I hen looked up to notice Japan on the other side of the room in the corner.

"I saw what you saw and I deleted it. I never want that to be seen by anyone ever again."

"You watched that video?"

"Yes and I can see why you'd want to kill yourself after seeing it. But can't you remember what you told everyone at his services? You told them all to keep smiling, you told the all to stay happy, why can't you be like what everyone else is trying to be? Germany please just bare with it. You don't need to be sad anymore. Just think of all the good things he did and don't look back. Keep moving forward, for your sake, for everyone else, for Italy, especially Italy."

Tears were in both of our eyes.

"Ya, I'll do that."

He gave me realization. I need to say happy for him. Keep his smile, keep him smiling. The same thing I thought about before he passed on. Just keep them all smiling for his sake, for them all. We then both left the hospital. I couldn't stay there any longer, sure it's only been like half a day but I hate it there. Japan drove me home and we both sat down and just talked about all the good things that have happened. I was finally able to smile and for once I felt like smiling and not crying. I was finally happy and I bet if Italy was there, he'd of been smiling along with us.

I then soon grew out of this stage of sadness and watched all the rest of his videos that he had made for me, some were ridiculous but others made me happy, others would make my day and others would celebrate me on my birthday or holiday. All I know is after that horrible day, everything brightened and every day after that, I had a smile to show for it.


End file.
